Allow Me to Introduce Myself
Allow myself to introduce myself….myself. My name is Tall, which is obviously short for Chris “Tall.” Right now the nexus to the plus $350 champagne is unofficial. But as soon as they answer my calls, letters, texts, emails, and messages in a bottle — an empty Cristal bottle I found at the Target Center after a Nelly concert — I am confident something can be worked out. <br><br> However, I have worked out an elaborate deal with the Splayback Team in order to give my nebulous meanderings a home. Since the site’s focal point is the world of sport, I figured a good way to introduce myself is to talk about my background in athletics.
In case you missed the piece on “Beyond the Glory” about the seventh grader who dominated the Catholic school league only to enter the high school venue and find out that the competition was much stiffer. That was my story. Like gravity and trampoline jumping, what goes up must come down.
It was not long into high school when I became cognizant of the fact that the days of playing against teams where two thirds of the players competed in glasses with ribbons in the back so that the glasses would never fall to the ground were over. So was my athletic career.<br><br>Looking back there was no excuse for me not to consider the level of competition. Glasses with ribbons. Not even rec specs. Back in those days the real athletes wore rec specs. Chris Sabo revolutionized sports with his tight fitting, fog inducing goggles. Any serious athlete would wear them. Not those silly glasses where the lenses change to sun glasses when they go outside making it next to impossible to catch a fly ball on a cloudy day. It was for the best.<br><br> I am fully convinced that if I were a professional athlete it would not have gone well. I would drive an Escalade with rims the size flying saucers. I would constantly question people, “Do you know who I am?” and I would have released a historically awful rap album. I know unequivocally I would want to watch videos of myself at all times. At my house in the home theatre. In the VIP section of a club on my iPhone. In the dash of my Escalade. On the jumbotron when I was supposed to be playing. But how great a day and age we live in where we don’t have to be professional athletes to watch highlight clips of ourselves? </div><div class=”c2″> When I was growing up rec specs were ground breaking technology. Now, through the magic of the Internet a portly guy can dance to a German song and the entire world can watch. I know that if I had videos of myself hitting inside the park jacks (with only several errors) in the aforementioned Catholic league, I would constantly watch them on the Internet. I would make a highlight tape and send it to scouts to show them that I am a five tool player. Technology is a beautiful thing and I fully intend on recording my next golf round and putting it on this wonderful site for the world to enjoy. Also, if Tiger needs a new swing coach he will know where to find me. Cell phone videos can last upwards of four hours right? This is a new time where if we hit a jack, do a sweet reverse lay up, score a goal, pick up a 7-10 split, or be really, really good at Ms. Pacman you can post a video on the Internet. </div><div class=”c2″>More specifically post a video here. But please no adult softball videos. Don’t be that guy. Unless you are wearing rec specs.